Allyship
How Men Can Be Allies
Men can be allies in a variety of different ways. It is important to encourage using your voice in situations if you can do so in a safe manner.
From Allyship to Action: A New Kind of Masculinity
Being an ally isn't about gestures or hashtags. It's about doing the consistent, sometimes uncomfortable work of shifting power and lifting women's voices. But what does that look like in daily life?
Listen and Then Keep Listening
True allyship begins with humility. Listen to the women around you. Don't interrupt. Don't try to fix. Don't make it about you. Let their experiences teach you.
"We need more men with the guts to stand up and say, 'This is not acceptable in my name.'"
— Jackson Katz, gender violence expert
Listening means believing survivors and learning about concepts like coercive control, gaslighting, emotional and psychological abuse, and microaggressions. Allyship starts with understanding, and understanding starts with listening.
When you read a survivor's account or hear one in person, ask yourself what this story reveals about power, control, and the systems that failed her. Listening is not passive, it is active engagement.
Key Areas for Action
Listen and Learn
- Listen to women and gender-diverse people's experiences without defensiveness
- Read books, articles, and resources about gender-based violence
- Attend workshops or training on healthy masculinity
- Follow organizations doing this work on social media
- Recognize that learning is ongoing—you won't get it perfect
Speak Up
- Challenge sexist jokes and comments, even when women aren't present
- Call out locker room talk and disrespectful language
- Don't laugh along to keep the peace—silence is complicity
- Model respectful language and behavior for younger men
- Use your voice in spaces where men's voices carry weight
Examine Your Own Behavior
- Reflect on how you've been taught to view women and relationships
- Practice asking for and respecting consent in all situations
- Notice if you're taking up too much space in conversations
- Consider how your actions might be perceived by others
- Be accountable when you make mistakes—apologize and do better
Support Survivors
- Believe people who share their experiences
- Don't ask what they did to cause it
- Respect their privacy and decisions
- Offer practical support without taking over
- Understand that healing takes time
Navigating Challenging Moments
Situation:
A friend makes a sexist joke
What you can do:
Don't laugh. Say: 'I don't find that funny' or 'That's not cool, man.'
Situation:
Someone catcalls a woman while you're together
What you can do:
Check in with your friend: 'Are you okay?' Don't escalate with the catcaller.
Situation:
A man is talking over women in a meeting
What you can do:
Redirect: 'I want to hear what [name] was saying' or 'Let's let her finish.'
Situation:
Your friend brags about pressuring someone for sex
What you can do:
Be direct: 'That's not okay. That's coercion.' Have a real conversation about consent.
Redefining Masculinity
Being a man doesn't have to mean being tough, aggressive, or unemotional. Healthy masculinity includes:
Expressing emotions openly and honestly
Asking for help when you need it
Respecting boundaries and consent
Building relationships based on equality
Supporting others without expecting rewards
Being accountable for your mistakes
Rejecting violence as a solution
Celebrating others' successes
Talking to Other Men
One of the most powerful things you can do is have honest conversations with other men. Men often listen to other men in ways they might not listen to women.
Tips for these conversations:
- Be curious, not confrontational
- Share your own learning journey
- Use questions to encourage reflection
- Focus on impact, not intent
- Follow up—change takes time
Start Today
Pick one action from this page and commit to doing it this week. Small, consistent actions add up to real change.